If one had to base his or her view of the future of heterosexual marriage on the letters to the editor and news articles recently printed in the Tribune on this subject, they might easily conclude its future is dismal at best. While some are blaming this gloom and pessimism on CA State Supreme Court Justices and/or on homosexual and lesbian activists, I would like to suggest that much of the blame for the ever growing "dissing" of heterosexual marriage might lie elsewhere.

First of all, those of us who make up the leadership of the church in America need to quit pointing fingers. The church is supposed to be the "pillar and support of the truth"; and yet when it comes to clearly portraying (in our living as well as our words) God's original purpose and plan for marriage - well we haven't done so well. Scattered across America there are pastors/ministers, who if they have not divorced or separated from their own wives (or husbands), at best are living in detente in their own homes. How can we speak with authority on what God intended to be the basic building block of society when our own marriages are in many cases silently screaming for help?  Most people in our great nation know heterosexual marriage is the norm. But they desperately need to see it thriving somewhere.  And of all places it should be thriving in our homes! "Judgment begins with the household of God" the apostle Peter declares. It is time we recognize that, and make the adjustments His judgment requires.

Second, those of you who make up the churches of America need to recognize that the highest calling of those who serve you is to walk out what they preach - especially in their marriages. you need to lovingly demand that we quit trying to solve the world's problems, and give the time and energy to our own marriages that they rightfully deserve. No amount of sacrificial service will substitute for this. If heterosexual marriage is not a curse, but the best idea God ever came up with for the establishment of healthy communities and society at large, your ministers must model it, not just mouth it.

Third, those of you are presently in a state of frustrated heterosexual marriage need to recognize it is time to quit demanding that your spouse provide for you what they were never intended to provide (e.g. deep inner satisfaction, peace, security and fulfillment). The three most important chapters in the Bible having to do with our subject are the first three chapters of the Bible (Gen. 1-3). A careful reading of those chapters makes clear that whatever months or years of ecstacy Adam and Eve experienced before things began to unravel was because they regularly experienced the presence of God. I find it very interesting that when Satan (in the form of a serpent) came to attack Adam and Eve's marriage, he didn't attack their relationship with one another directly. Rather he attacked their relationship with God, which in turn caused to attack and blame on another. Marriage was never intended to be independent of God. There is no relationship on earth He is more interested in. If He has seemingly been absent in yours, He is only a prayer away.

When the marriage amendment comes along - I will be the first to vote for it. But I am not naive enough to think that any political or legislative measure will save heterosexual marriage. Only when the church quits pointing the finger elsewhere, and demands of its leaders emotionally, sexually, and otherwise fulfilled spouses - will it begin to recover its authority to speak into a confused and disillusioned society.