my journey with sex and Jesus

I'm not positive, but I think the first time I ever laid eyes on a Playboy magazine was between 2nd and 4th grade at my friend David's house (we actually had to "borrow" them from his neighbor's garage). I attended my first girls' slumber party in the summer after 5th grade. In my middle school years two of my friends' homes that I frequented often during the day while the dads were away always had a generous supply of pornographic magazines. Two of my friends' homes where I often spent the night in those years also had a generous supply. I had my first steady girlfriend in 5th grade, and rarely was without one through my high school years.

The combination of a steady diet of pornography, Elvis and James Bond movies, and locker room conversations with my teammates served to form an attitude towards women that they were things to be used for my pleasure. In my sick mind, the means always justified the means. Sadly some of my friends envied my "way with women."

Mid way through my high school years I began to be drawn to the person of Jesus Christ. I got involved in the Jesus movement (as some called it), and soon became convinced that Jesus Christ was who He claimed to be, and could and would do what He claimed He would do. The problem was ... the more I pursued Him, the more He began to put His holy finger on my attitude towards women. Never was there a man who related to women with such utter purity and integrity as did He.  Never was there a God who bristles at the abuse of women - as does He.

Fortunately I was not aware back then that there were churches you could go to where everyone would pat you on the back for your uncontrolled lust, and tell you in God's name that you were perfectly normal. The spiritual communities I was a part of in TN and then in San Jose in my early twenties taught that Jesus welcomes us all as we are; but never leaves us as we are.  We come to Him as we are (how else could we come to Him?). But the more we pursue a relationship with Him, the more He demands that we allow Him to transform us from the inside out. This includes re-formatting the way we see sex and the opposite sex (or the same sex for that matter). 

I thank God that people cared enough about me and loved God enough to tell me the truth about my sin, my lust and my selfishness back in my late teens and early twenties. Who knows where I would be had they not; and had Jesus Christ not cleaned me up from the inside out.